Killing Selfishness with Social Skills

A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That's why there are so few good conversations: due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet.

Truman Capote

I want you to consider something for a second. At this very moment, we are having a conversation. Seriously, we are; me as the poster and you as a reader. As soon as you walk away from this post and walk along your everyday life, you are having a conversation with every single person in the street, with every person who can see your social media, with every person in the world. And this is happening every second of every day. Your world is the result of how the world reacts to you.

Kind of makes you feel small and important, all at the same time.

To understand this concept, let’s start by understanding what a conversation is. A conversation isn’t one person saying something that another person hears. A conversation is a message that one person sends and is individually filtered by the other person. This means that whatever you say is not only dependent on you saying it but on what the other person understands. A conversation is never about “I” but about “Us.” Success and failure, understanding and misunderstanding are shared responsibilities!

This means that to properly convey a message, you have to understand how to make your message clear. You want to be treated seriously? Be serious. You want to be treated with respect? Be respectable. You want to be understood? Be clear. Always be clear. When people confuse on who you are and what you are telling them; ask yourself what message you are sending out.

Also remember that what people hear is filtered by their own preconceptions and predisposition. That means you have to understand the recipient and tailor your message accordingly. Does this mean you have to behave differently depending on the person you are with? Yes. Before you get all judgmental with me, consider how you speak with those who know you for a long time and those you just met.

The end message is a shared responsibility, one shared by the person giving the message and the person filtering the message. It also means that you can’t place the full blame on someone’s comments or reaction as they are based on the message you sent out. It also means that you have to view a person’s comments and reactions based on who they come from.

When you understand that how people treat you is usually a reaction to your actions and attitude, to how you dress and present yourself to the world, you stop assuming both a selfish and a victim attitude. You start taking accountability for every word and every action you take. You also understand that you have a choice on how you react to the comments of others, basically taking away their power over you.

When you understand the concept of conversation, you understand how truly responsible you are for the world you create for yourself and how much of this world is a result of the world you share with those around you.