Intent, a Gentleman’s essence.

A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.

Livy

During my tournament days, the most important aspect my maestro would insist was that we always trained with Intent. Every action you took and every move you made had to reflect its intention, even when these where done in solo practice. Every punch and every kick should carry the power of an actual strike. Every breath should convey what you were doing. Even your eyes should reflect your intentions, your focus, and your commitment to what you were doing. He called this “Honesty of Intent.”

And that is what is wrong with so many men doing chivalry today.

Every couple of weeks I get forwarded an article where Chivalry and Gentlemanly behavior is called out for being sexist or for promoting the current rape culture. Yet on the other end of the same spectrum, every week I get forwarded and article where women complain how men have lost even the basic manners and social courtesy, where women complain that they can’t find respectable men.

So which is it? Is Gentlemanly behavior demeaning to women or is it prized by women? Let me start by stating the most important aspect of Chivalry and Gentlemanly behavior.

CHIVALRY IS NOT A TOOL TO IMPRESS WOMEN.

You don’t ACT like a Gentleman; you have to strive to be a Gentleman. It’s about how you treat yourself and what you expect from yourself. As for how this relates to the Ladies and basically to everyone you interact with. It’s all about intent.

Ask yourself if your actions are done to impress someone, to instill a reaction. Did you open the door expecting a thank you? Then you did it to get payment, even if that payment is simply recognition. Did you pay for dinner expecting something in return? Notice that you just reduced your date to a prostitute, where your payment was the food.

If your actions are tainted with any intent other than an honest act, if you expect anything in return, then you are not being chivalrous or a gentleman. Your focus is about personal gain and pettiness, no matter how courteous your actions might be.